On Making Money (or not)

As I reflect on five years of life together with my sweet Valentine, I have come to realize that in a lot of ways, the greatest gift Aaron and I have ever been given was also the most miserable two months of our lives, that have defined and determined the course of the rest of our lives. In January and February of 2010, Aaron was finishing his last semester at Wheaton, and I was a new bride, new graduate, and newly unemployed! Before that January, I hadn't really thought about life as a long, glorious journey of becoming. I had mostly just glided along through college, picking a major based first on what I loved, and then based on who I loved. I graduated with a degree in Spanish in 5 semesters just so that I could marry Aaron and (ideally) support him until he finished in May. Well, the ideal doesn't always turn out, and truly I am so glad it doesn't.

That January I was supposed to start an entry-level job at a Bridal Salon, which I thought would be fun and exciting and perhaps put me on the trajectory to be a Bridal Consultant or Party Planner (careers that I still believe would be highly entertaining and challenging for me.) On the fifth day of our week-long honeymoon, I got a call that the job I was supposed to have had fallen through, and so began my days of unemployment. Financial, emotional, and physical burdens aside, unemployment is in so many ways a real gift. For 20-year-old Andrea, unemployment meant a chance to, for the very first time, truly question what it was that I wanted to do with my life. In truth, my unemployment didn't last long. I worked that spring temporarily for the US Census and in April I was offered a position that became the real push for what has now become my real (for now) career of academic study and instruction. But for both Aaron and I, those months of dark, cold, penniless unemployment have affected and will affect the course of our lives from here on out, and more importantly, our attitudes towards work and money that have evolved into something entirely counter-cultural but so life-giving for our family. (An ideology that falls somewhere along these lines.)

In 2010, I began to understand my vocation, and later on, in 2011, Aaron had his own season of self-discovery, which also came through unemployment. Both times, at the time, the financial and emotional strain seemed overwhelming, but now I have learned to see God's hand at work even through our own need. I reflect on this as I approach a new season, unsure if God will bring us through yet another season of unemployment for either one or both of us over this summer and fall. This time, I am trying to learn to reject the fear and doubt, embracing what may come as a chance for God to work on our hearts and lives for His own glory. Who knows but that He has an even greater plan for our lives than the one I have set, and through a semester or two of joblessness, He may bring it about. As a planner and a spender, it is oh so hard for me to accept that perhaps for us, financial stability is not and should not be the goal. It is a difficult thing to explain to a culture that so values savings, mortgages, and 401Ks that perhaps God's plan for our own family goes beyond the traditional "American" financial plan. For us, this calling to financial freedom has meant such drastic measures as quitting a "good" job in search of "greater" volunteering, the absence of a budget in favor of living without expectations, giving whatever and whenever we are asked without thought of the bottom line, and living in such a way that income doesn't matter as long as we are doing what God wants. Even for our families, who love and support us, seeing God's plan for us in the midst of grad school, seminary, and now a pregnancy may be a challenge to their desire for us to be financially "stable". Although it may go beyond explanation, the truth is that through seasons of drought, Aaron and I have come to understand that our marriage and our family exists not to succeed financially, but to follow faithfully wherever God may lead, with the understanding that the ultimate goal is not comfort but calling.

And part of me wishes such unemployment on each of my siblings, each of my friends, and each of my students, because for me, it was the greatest gift I ever received.

The Beginning of the End

There is a deep sadness in my soul today. At first I thought it was because I slept in far too late... for the twelfth day in a row. Then I wondered if maybe the torrential rain outside was making me lethargic. It wasn't until I checked my school email and read some of the messages awaiting me that I realized why these days leading up to my last semester of grad school are so saddening and terrifying. I just love school, and the realization that next week I start my last sprint of it is just heartbreaking for me. I know I'm weird. None of my friends are ready for our month-long vacation to be over. Yesterday, I was really hoping that we could all just go back a week early. But today I realized that I don't want this semester to start because those fifteen weeks will fly by all too quickly, and even though we have an exciting summer and hopeful plans for the fall to look forward to, the fact that I will have to face another graduation and another end to my career as a student frightens me.

It takes a special kind of courage to face the real world without the comfort of school cradling me. I've always been so good at school. It is a place where I know what is expected of me, where I can always exceed those expectations, and where the rewards for my work are always as expected. Unlike the difficult job market, as a student you are never turned away. There is always a chance to study more, to increase knowledge, and to ask hard and enthralling questions - even if you don't know the answers.

In the fall, regardless of what I do next, the security of life as a student will pass. I will be supporting Aaron's studies for several more years, enviously watching while he registers for classes, visits the library, meets with professors, and takes final exams. I pray that over these next few months we can find peace in the unknown that is our future and that whether or not the next few years of my life carry me through the halls of academia again, I can trust the greatest Teacher and never forget that just because I move a tassle from one side to the other, I don't ever have to stop being a student.

Besides, I'll have far more important things to think about by then...

Being present instead of buying presents: my hopes for a Christmas full of love

I love Christmas! Here it comes in all its cold-weather, twinkly lights, beautiful music glory! Our Christmas tree is all set up and I'm writing this under the glow of Christmas lights with a background of "White Christmas". I love everything about Christmas, the food, the traditions, and especially, the presents!!!

In years past, I have prided myself on having the MOST presents to hand out on Christmas morning, turning gift-giving, like most things I do, into a fun competition. My family happily plays along, allowing me to gloat with an "I WIN!" when I hand out the last little gift after rounds of turns of family gift-giving that lasts long into the afternoon.

This year, however, I've already celebrated Christmas with my family. We got to gather on Thanksgiving evening to exchange a few presents and read the Christmas story to my 17 month-old nephew who obediently repeated Jesus each time we said it and learned not only to open presents, but also to give them out and to appropriately thank the giver with a hug and a kiss when it was his turn to open one. For me, watching my family love on each other and putting up the Christmas tree together was better than any kind of gift-giving competition.

That's why, this year, my goal is not to give the most presents. In fact, besides the mostly home-made gifts we are giving out to our nieces and nephews, I doubt we'll be giving any extravagant gifts. I sent stocking stuffers home to Mexico with my little brother, and we'll probably do something fun with my in-laws on Christmas day, but for me the true challenge this holiday season is to BE PRESENT instead of GIVING lots of PRESENTS.

I'm so excited to go home (to Iowa) for Christmas and our anniversary! Spending time with our Iowa family is always special, but I know it will be especially precious if it means that I get to play in the snow with the little ones, bake cookies with my mother-in-law, and drink fancy tea around Grandma's kitchen table! Being so far away last year was sad. Of course, we sent gifts, but presents will never make up for the presence of the people we love! I'm so thankful for my 2 wonderful families, and for a chance to do presence with both of them this year. We are so blessed!

Summer 2012 Ta-Da List!

Before the summer started I made myself an ambitious to-do list. As the summer draws to a close, I´ve been contemplating all I did on and in addition to it. Some things were planned, some plans were completed, and some of what we did was completely unexpected! To celebrate the end of this season, I´ve provided for you my Summer 2012 Ta-Da List

· Got a job at Hawaiian Falls, even if that didn’t work out

· Aaron successfully completed Scriptures 3, Greek 1 and Greek 2

· Texas Rangers vs. Seattle Mariners on Memorial Day

· Floated the river in New Braunfels

· Did the entire Trumpet Translation

· Helped out with Calvary Children’s Bible Club

· Gave kittens food poisoning

· Jack’s 1st Birthday Party

· Killed a lot of crickets

· Made a quilt

· Tried something new

· Had a blast at Agee Family Hawaiian Falls 2012

· Kimberly came to visit

· Tutored the Hardin children

· We celebrated 30 months of marriage

· Hosted a lot of Life Groups

· Pretended to be a kid again with a Blanket Fort Sleepover

· Went to the farmer’s market and made lots of yummy, healthy meals

· Helped various friends move

· Tutored James every week

· Took Karin to visit Dallas and my family

· Saw the Dark Knight Rises… twice!

· Prepared to teach and set up my new office

· Watched a lot of the Olympics

· Texas Rangers vs. LA Angels on July 31

· Wrote the second chapter of my thesis

· Visited our family in Iowa and went to the State Fair

· Started reading Don Quixote for the fall

· Went camping in El Dorado

· Welcomed people back for the school year to begin!

 It´s been a fun, fulfilling, and fruitious summer! I guess that means it´s time to write the to-do list for the fall... and I´ll check back in with you in a few months! ;)

Home is...

• Home is tea and crumpets with Grandma
• Home is sitting in the yard listening to crickets while the sun goes down
• Home is squeals of delight as nieces and nephews throw their arms around my neck
• Home is sweet corn all over my face and possibly in my hair
• Home is my favorite thrift store and a husband who suggests it... twice!
• Home is beautiful flat roads and nice Iowa drivers
• Home is five days without staring at my computer, and not really missing it
• Home is being loved on by family, friends, and church family until your heart overflows
• Home is double bacon corn dogs and everything on a stick
• Home is oogling over huge pigs and pretty horses and a butter cow
• Home is presents all around
• Home is cuddling on the couch as the summer breezes blow through the house 
• Home is Fox News on TV all day long and lots of sports
• Home is a late-night bonfire with friends
• Home is cool summer breezes and actually needing a sweater
• Home is corn fields and meadows and SO much green
• Home is the wonder of holding my baby niece for the first time
• Home is people we love and cherish so very much
• Home is IOWA!

And now we´re back in another of our "Home"s and preparing for the start of a busy school year. 

My Messy Life

 I love that in order to make something beautiful, you have to make a mess first. It's a beautiful metaphor for life and especially for my life right now. At this time of the year, the to-do list is long and stress runs high, which means that friendships can be messy, homes can be messy, and desks can be messier and messier. When I sit down to do a puzzle or make a scarf or mosaic or really anything creative, I spread all my stuff out and proceed to make the biggest mess I know how. Eventually, this disaster becomes something with shape and form and, finally, some sort of beauty. Similarly, when paper-writing begins, my desktop is a mess of articles and drafts, and as I work I try to make some sort of sense out of the chaos that will (hopefully) turn into a reasonably understandable piece of creativity and research. As I start my next big project, the writing of my "obra maestra", my thesis, I'm sure that it will be a messy process, but I'm excited about both the mess and the outcome, remembering that sometimes the beauty is in the process itself. Today I'm thanking Jesus for making beauty out of chaos through his redemption of all things messy!

Roots

A few weeks ago I made a little trip up to Dallas to visit my oh-so-adorable little nephew. On my way home, I made a short stop over at Grandma and Grandpa Agee's house to get in a little visit. Little did I know that I would be leaving two hours later with  two pots of mint, a bag full of soil, and instructions to water, but don't drown! (This is actually good advice for an Andrea who has never been able to get anything to actually grow before now.) I brought the mint home, carefully transplanted it into my big beautiful pot, and waited patiently for it to grow. I figured it wouldn't be all that hard, after all, this mint was already growing. It already had roots from Grandma's backyard, where it was planted six years ago when they brought it from Colorado, where Grandma had planted it after carrying it between her legs on the long ride up from Oaxaca. I figured... if it can survive all those trips, of course it can survive a two hour ride down to Waco! 

So, I expected the leaves to just keep on growing. I was horrified then, when every piece of mint in my planter turned brown and dry the day after I moved it here. I had failed again! At that moment, I was ready to give up on ever getting a plant to grow. Little did I know that it's not the leaves, but the roots that need to survive. In some crazy state of mind, I watered the brown leaves and carefully opened the window for the sun to shine in each morning. I talked to my little plant, hoping beyond hope that brown didn't mean dead. For six days there were no signs of growth. Then, one morning, as I greeted my dead little mint plant, I noticed what seemed to be a speck of green among all that ugly brown. Oh how I rejoiced!! I brought Aaron down to see it, and he begrudgingly agreed that it was actually maybe growing. 

Now the green stalks are about 8 inches high, and my sweet little mint plant reminds me of a deeper truth going on in my life. I am putting down roots. From Oaxaca to Wheaton to Des Moines I've traveled. Each place I've put down my own little roots just like the mint plant. Every time I get uprooted it takes time to move past the dryness of a new place, but each time, little by little, new growth occurs. Friendships are made, memories happen, and roots grow deep. Today we joined our church here in Waco, and I am reminded once again of the roots I've left behind, and the new roots I'm growing here in the heart of Texas. I love that our little lives are growing and flourishing along with my plant, and I hope these roots can grow as long as this is the place God has for us! So, today, in the season of thanksgiving, I am thankful for new roots.