There is a deep sadness in my soul today. At first I thought it was because I slept in far too late... for the twelfth day in a row. Then I wondered if maybe the torrential rain outside was making me lethargic. It wasn't until I checked my school email and read some of the messages awaiting me that I realized why these days leading up to my last semester of grad school are so saddening and terrifying. I just love school, and the realization that next week I start my last sprint of it is just heartbreaking for me. I know I'm weird. None of my friends are ready for our month-long vacation to be over. Yesterday, I was really hoping that we could all just go back a week early. But today I realized that I don't want this semester to start because those fifteen weeks will fly by all too quickly, and even though we have an exciting summer and hopeful plans for the fall to look forward to, the fact that I will have to face another graduation and another end to my career as a student frightens me.
It takes a special kind of courage to face the real world without the comfort of school cradling me. I've always been so good at school. It is a place where I know what is expected of me, where I can always exceed those expectations, and where the rewards for my work are always as expected. Unlike the difficult job market, as a student you are never turned away. There is always a chance to study more, to increase knowledge, and to ask hard and enthralling questions - even if you don't know the answers.
In the fall, regardless of what I do next, the security of life as a student will pass. I will be supporting Aaron's studies for several more years, enviously watching while he registers for classes, visits the library, meets with professors, and takes final exams. I pray that over these next few months we can find peace in the unknown that is our future and that whether or not the next few years of my life carry me through the halls of academia again, I can trust the greatest Teacher and never forget that just because I move a tassle from one side to the other, I don't ever have to stop being a student.
Besides, I'll have far more important things to think about by then...
