Learning to Fly

Well, the end of 2010 is upon us and I must say, I'm almost ready for it. With the coming of the new year begins the second year of our marriage, and another chance for new beginnings, new goals, and new dreams. But for these next 24 hours, I find that I must look back and think about the challenges of the year gone-by and the chances of the year to-come!

For Aaron and I, 2010 was a year of learning. For anyone who has ever learned anything, they will know that learning is never easy. This first year was never easy, but always good. 2010 began with the most wonderful event, our wedding day... and the honeymoon that followed... but a week later we returned to Wheaton to find that my promised job had fallen through, the rent was due, and Aaron had class and track practice to busy himself. Those first few months were ones of loneliness, boredom, and rejection. I tried to settle in to our tiny apartment in the middle of Wheaton winter, find a job, learn to drive, and navigate the stormy waters of newlywed life. Suffice it to say, I failed on each front. Right off the bat, I hit a Jaguar and got my license taken away, which made for a hard time in the job-finding department. Long days alone at home searching for job openings online pushed me further and further into a dark hole of depression, while knowing that my friends were still going to class, still eating in SAGA, and still hanging out in the Beamer center - just steps from my front door - made me feel so alone. For someone who loved planning the wedding and anticipated that beautiful day for months and years, I couldn't handle the post-marital depression that came from the lack of anticipation. Poor Aaron was unsure of what to do with such an unhappy bride. It was a cold, dark time for us.

But emotional and physical difficulties aside, the hardest part was the financial challenge. We had NO money. To this day, I don't know how we paid the rent each month. I am certain that angels visited our doorstep the night we found $300 in an envelope slid under our front door. Our church and our family helped as they could, and each month the heat was on and the electricity worked, for that I am thankful. By March, my job at the census could not have been more needed.

The summer was hard for many of the same and some different reasons. Moving to Des Moines and trying to make this old trailer livable was a different, but just as difficult, challenge. While winter cold had banished me to our Wheaton apartment, in Des Moines in July, the heat in our trailer was almost unbearable (especially considering the lack of shower for the first month).  Aaron began his job at McDonalds, which could not have come at a better time, and I got more comfortable with driving on the wonderful traffic-free roads of Iowa. I got my first credit card, which has been a learning experience in itself, but the loneliness and the challenges never stopped coming. My first real job, the Spanish Program Assistant at Drake University, is one of the biggest challenges yet, which I have yet to overcome.

Through it all, we have been like baby birds pushed out of the nest. Were we ready to be so rudely shoved out? Well, we must have been, because only in falling are we learning to fly. And we have had so many blessings as well. My greatest blessing of this year is my Aaron, the man who I am proud to share my life with. Whether we're falling or flying, I'm so glad I get to do it with him. We are also surrounded by such a supportive family on both sides. My parents have encouraged and supported from afar, and Aaron's parents have given such practical blessings of food, shelter, and toil on our still-to-be-finished home. Also, we are so thankful for the wonderful people at our dear church in Bondurant.

But now to the matter at hand: FLYING.

A year is spent... and per our agreement, only three more until we want to start to expand this little family. Aaron and I are planners, since before we were engaged, we had planned our entire courtship and beyond, even talking through baby names and how we wanted to raise our children. Well, now more than ever, I have begun to realize how little time I have until that life-changing event is "scheduled" in our plan. So this year's New Year's resolutions are, for me, more like Baby Resolutions. Instead of making promises never to eat chocolate again or to exercise every day, I find it is better to have goals, sort of like a to-do list. So here is my to-do list for the next three years, or for however long or soon it will be when we two become three:

- Get my Master's
- Finish a marathon
- Work a job for one full year without quitting
- Read a whole book in French
- Visit another continent (Asia, Africa, Europe, South America... or I guess, Antarctica)
- Buy a house
- Get published
- Memorize the book of John
- Find a bosom friend

For me, these are lofty goals, that will take dedication and hard work. I am a horrible finisher, and every one of these goals requires some sort of completion. However, each of them should hopefully make me a stronger person: physically, emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually. I hope that developing and finishing each of these goals will build in me not only these strengths, but in the end, a strength of character. It won't be easy and I won't always succeed, but I pray that instead of falling and not trying again, through each new challenge and failure I would seek the opportunity to learn to fly!